Sunday, March 29, 2015

Trailer Trad Grooming: The Rise of the Lumbersexual

I like beards. I think that they're pretty cool. I personally keep my own weather-beaten mug closely shaved because, well, that's what I've always done. I also have the same hair style that I've had since I was seventeen. Why? I guess it's because I'm prone to ruts. Wagon wheels admire the depths of my ruts. Bucks in the forest admire the duration of my ruts. I like ruts. 

But enough about me. Back to beards. If Santa Claus, Grizzly Adams, and the Amish held a convention in Raleigh, they'd be walking around Downtown scratching their heads and asking one another "Wow--Whuuut's.. with all the beards?" Up until now, I've referred to them as hipster beards but I like the new term for beard wearers that I've just heard--lumbersexuals. This term opens up an important distinction between scraggy, mongrel Duck Dynasty beards and the coiffured, brown bushy beards that you often see north of flannel shirts and skinny, rolled up jeans. Let's face it. A lot of guys need to keep their faces warm outdoors and don't care what they look like. But why do so many fastidious, urban guys wear them? It appears that scientists have actually come up with a theory about why SO MANY guys have beards right now. An article in the Daily Telegraph explains that
"men are feeling under pressure from other men and are attempting to look aggressive by being more flamboyant with their whiskers. Published in the journal Evolution and Human Behaviour, Dr Cyril Grueter and colleagues were investigating the idea that in big societies, male primates have developed increasingly ostentatious "badges" which may enhance male sexual attractiveness to females and give them the edge over other males...The team investigated 154 species of primates, and found more conspicuous badges in males of species where social and physical conflict were common and individual recognition was limited. i.e. The busier and more crowded with males a society becomes, the more competition there is and the more flamboyant the badges are."
However, the article goes on to say that "In the case of Humans, this may also include phenotypic extensions such as body decoration, jewelry, and prestige items."-So, I guess none of us are immune from this desire to stand out!
Great Grandfather preferred the Czar Nicholas look.


Jack said...

How would you rate the quality of Pinaud Clubman beard oil?

Trailer Trad said...

Since I don't wear a beard, I probably shouldn't review beard oil.--On second thought, maybe I can since I've reviewed Pinaud Clubman hair tonic and I hardly have any hair!

Earl said...

Last time I saw Bucky, his beard made the ZZ Top guys look clean cut!

LuLu Bell said...

OK, why are you censoring Bucky's comments?

Trailer Trad said...

Miss Bell,
Don't think of it as 'censorship.' Think of it as curatorial decisions made by the editor. I'm pushing Bucky onward to produce even greater comments in the future!